


Words We've Spoken, and The Things We Left Unsaid

by ourownmaking



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Because Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, He/Him Pronouns For Aziraphale (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, Scene: St James's Park 1862 (Good Omens), Swearing, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, of course that's a tag, the author was hurt so she wrote a little comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27427198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourownmaking/pseuds/ourownmaking
Summary: Some nights, the past catches up with Crowley, sinks its claws into his subconscious, pokes at those places where he hurts the most. Luckily, Aziraphale is always there to help - and to lend a listening ear when needed.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 82





	Words We've Spoken, and The Things We Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published work for Good Omens, and I will tentatively say I am proud of myself. After sitting in a notebook for months, I finally managed to type up, edit, and get a beta read. Life has been kicking my butt lately, so I decided to publish this so I could feel a bit accomplished.  
> A huge thank you to my friend and beta nini, who said, quote: "i promise it was super good i couldn't find anything i wanted to fix" which made me very very happy.

Aziraphale came running as soon as he heard Crowley’s panicked shout from the bedroom, the book he had been reading left abandoned on his armchair without even a quick miracle to bookmark it. It wasn’t as important as Crowley. He prepared himself to comfort Crowley as best he could as he took the stairs two at a time, knowing this routine intimately by now. It was a common occurrence, but he hadn’t grown quite used to it yet. He didn’t know if he ever would.

The door to the bedroom was left ajar for exactly this purpose, and the light from the hallway filtered into the room and painted a stripe of visibility over Crowley’s form, visibly shaking even through the blankets he’d pulled up to his nose. Crowley’s eyes were visible in the shadows, wide with fear and brightly glistening with tears.

In one smooth motion, Aziraphale slid into the bed, gathering Crowley into his arms, letting his Demon cling to him and sob onto his shoulder. He ran his hands up and down Crowley’s back in what he hoped was a comforting way, and whispered gentle nothings into the room, waiting for the worst of the immediate aftereffects to pass.

When Crowley had calmed down enough for words he began apologising, for the yelling and the crying and the snot drying on Aziraphale’s shirt. It was a habit he had yet to break; feeling guilty for having feelings, apologising and begging for forgiveness when they inevitably overflowed.

Hell had never been big on forgiveness.

“Shh, darling,” Aziraphale whispered - reminding Crowley that he was  _ darling _ now, that Aziraphale loved him, feelings and all, that he didn’t belong to Hell anymore - “You’re all right now, no need to apologise. I’ve got you. You’re all right.”

Crowley took a few deep, shaky breaths (he didn’t technically need to breathe, but it seemed to help a great deal at times like these), and nodded.

“Another nightmare?” Aziraphale asked, already knowing the answer.

Crowley nodded again.

“Would you like to tell me about it?”

This time he hesitated a moment. Aziraphale knew, of course, how embarrassing talking about his feelings could be, and tried his best to comfort Crowley by bringing gentle fingers through soft hair. Tried to remind him that it didn’t matter how un-demon-like his feelings were. Aziraphale didn’t care.

Eventually he nodded a third time, sniffling and pulling back a bit from Aziraphale’s embrace to rest his forehead against the angel’s. Aziraphale waited patiently for Crowley to gather his thoughts and his words, until finally Crowley spoke, very quietly.

“It was about you.”

“Oh, my dear,” Aziraphale sighed, giving Crowley’s body a small, gentle squeeze, and placed a feather-light kiss to the end of his nose. The ‘]”Aziraphale Dreams” (as the angel secretly called them in his mind) seemed to be the worst, amalgamations of Crowley’s deepest fears and Aziraphale’s most regrettable actions. Sometimes (most times), after these dreams, Crowley could do no more than cry and shake and cling to Aziraphale, begging him over and over not to leave him, needing constant reassurances that yes, Aziraphale loved him, no, he would not leave him, yes he would stay right here and hold him as long as he needed.

Tonight Crowley seemed ready to talk. He didn’t usually talk about the Aziraphale Dreams, so Aziraphale listened intently as he began to speak.

“It- it was after the Holy Water fight.” He started, cautiously. “You said you didn’t need me, but this time you  _ meant _ it, and you-” he choked on a sob as Aziraphale’s stomach sank. Their fight in 1862 had been awful. Aziraphale had said so many horrible things, things that he didn’t mean at all, but things that had played right into Crowley’s fears. His demon had always been insecure…

“What did I do, my love?” He prompted, “In your dream?”

“You-” Crowley breathed in, then out, tightened his grip around Aziraphale’s middle. “You ratted me out. To Hell. Told them how much I- how much I  _ cared _ , how I’d fallen in love with an Angel, how I’d been slacking on my jobs.” A pause, and then, quieter- “They came for me.”

Crowley’s head dropped back to the snot-covered shoulder from before, hiding from Aziraphale and from what came next.

“They hurt me. Of course they did, nothing new there, but-” his grip on Aziraphale turned vice-like when he whispered, “you helped.”

Aziraphale gasped, just a small intake of air, but it was enough to get Crowley’s tears going again in earnest.

“I’m sorry, angel, I’m so sorry, I know you’d never, I don’t actually think you would, it was just a stupid dream and I’m-”

“Hush, my love. I’m not upset with you. You don’t control your dreams, dear, and I don’t see why you’d ever choose that one if you could.” He placed a gentle kiss to Crowley’s hair. “It sounds dreadful.”

“It was!” Crowley exclaimed, once again sobbing freely. “You were telling me you were never really my friend, telling me you just had to keep an eye on me, you didn’t care about some Demon, and- and- and all the while they- you- everyone was- fucking torturing me! And they all enjoyed it, especially you, and… It was so awful, angel, and it felt so real, I swear I could feel all of it, every bit. I just wanted it to stop…” He trailed off, both because the story was over, and because Aziraphale was shifting their position on the bed. He turned onto his side, and pulled Crowley down with him. Crowley buried his head in Aziraphale’s soft chest, and shook.

“My darling,” Aziraphale began, trying to find the right words to calm and reassure his Demon, “My dearest.” He gently kissed Crowley’s temple, then his cheekbone, thinking. “You’re safe now.  _ We’re _ safe. We have each other, we don’t need to follow anyone’s rules anymore. They aren’t going to hurt you, and neither will I. I never could have, my dear.” His eyes darkened. “If anyone tries to do you harm, I will personally remind them why I was chosen as Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden.”

Crowley shivered at his tone for a second, but then, to Aziraphale’s surprise, began to laugh.

“Well, so long as I have my  _ guardian angel _ with me, I suppose I have nothing to worry about, do I?”

It was a joke, but Aziraphale could hear the slight tremble to Crowley’s voice, could feel the way his hands fisted the back of his shirt. It was a joke, but also a question.  _ Am I safe here? _ Crowley was asking.  _ Do you really want me? Do you really love me? _

Aziraphale held him just that much tighter.

“Yes,” he replied. “I suppose so.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! I'd love some kudos, and any feedback/support/keyboard smash/anything in the comments would also be greatly appreciated!  
> I love you all.


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